Say something and expect an argument

When someone says “I don’t want to debate with you,” yet proceeds to state their viewpoint with intent to dispute yours, then what the fuck is the point of you opening your mouth in the first place? Either don’t say that opening statement and argue with me, or don’t say anything at all. Especially if you call me out in front of other people, what the fuck was your intentions in speaking in the first place?

I thought I was able to open up to people once more, giving you a second chance (or third or fourth; I’ve lost count). Yet again, you’ve proven me wrong as to if I can trust you with my emotions.

Doing things out of desire, not out of necessity

Last night, I slept at 8. In the morning.

I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I just couldn’t enter sleep.

This was the worst case of insomnia I’ve ever had. I laid in bed and rolled around for one to two hours at a time, then got frustrated and watched TV or read a book, then attempted to go back to sleep, but still yielded the same results of not entering sleep. Then I gave my friend a promised wake up call at 6 since she had school, then went back to bed. I rolled around even more and thought that this was very ridiculous, considering I didn’t have any caffeine  or a nap. The last time I looked at the clock, it was around 8, so that’s when i figured my official sleep time was at.

I woke up at around 2; not exactly eight hours of sleep but natural sunlight and not wanting to waste my day made me get up and start my day. Now in the afternoon I’m really tired, just like every other day. My energy levels have constantly been low in the afternoons and high at nighttimes and I don’t know why; and I’ve been off naps and caffeine  for a long time.

I would think that not napping and not taking caffeine would lead to good sleep at nighttime which leads to a full eight hours which leads to energy for the whole day… but none of that is happening. I’m still tired in the afternoon, and I try to stay awake and my productivity falters as a result, and then when nighttime comes, I try to go to sleep for a long good rest but I can’t fall asleep because my mind is jogging.

Now I’m wondering if I should just go to sleep when I want to, not when I need to. Meaning when I’m tired, I’m going to sleep. Then when bedtime comes and the rest of the world goes to sleep, I’m going to stay awake because I don’t need to sleep.

Then this thought process goes on to other things, like eating because I want to, not because I need to… then other things like doing things when I want to, not because I need to… then other rebellious things and etc etc.

Ah!

People just don't fucking care about other people. People don't genuinely care.

People are so self involved these days that they rarely take the initiative.  I send messages to a lot of people just to say hi and to let them know that someone is thinking of them and is genuinely interested in knowing how they're doing, and most reply.  The thing that really hurts me (yes - I said it) is that if they had the time and energy to respond to a message, they could have taken the initiative to sent one first.  What really sucks is that they don't.  Then there's those who claim to be friends but won't even reply to any outreach of friendship.  In my opinion, that person is not a friend and I have no use for them anymore.  They're gone.  Cut out.  Fuck 'em.

People don’t have enough strength of character to even show basic consideration. I had plans made with someone that I haven’t seen in a long time, but it fell through for a bullshit reason. At the last minute that person remembers that they made other plans. Glad to know that their plans were more important than ours… fuck that. You’re dead to me now.

I also had someone cancel out on plans last minute because they fell asleep. They woke up just when we were to get together and at that point they were too tired. Good to know that they were looking forward to getting together so much that they just happened to fall asleep.

How about if you're out with a friend(s) and they are constantly texting. Fuck, if you got someone else more important to talk to then go hang out with them, why the fuck are you here with me.

I’m beyond burnt out with some people, that I feel like I don’t need to bother with them at all anymore.

Allow me to slap some sense into you idiots…

I’m going to take this opportunity to vent my frustrations and take it out onto this page.

I’ve noticed a whole lot of unnecessary bitching on the internet that frustrates me and disgusts me. A lot of it stems from what I read on the new FML meme that I read for amusement. I’m probably guilty of being a part of this problem since I indulge on this stuff, gaining pleasure from reading about other people’s misfortunes. But there are some FMLs that are quite elementary in the sense that there are quite a few that aren’t worth complaining about, considering there are so many other problems in the world.

Anyways I may be going off topic. But one event on facebook set me off thinking about this.

Someone updated their status saying “life sucks.”
And so on people comment “why” and the person responds, “if I listed the reasons I’d write a book.”"

Really now.

Go ahead and list these reasons. If you can write a book, then 90% of the world can write an anthology.

I’m sick and tired of hearing about people in western society who live with more than basic living standards complain about life. I don’t need to say anymore.

seriously.

when did hugeass thick rimmed nerd frames become cool?

everyone walks around with hugeass thick rimmed nerd frames. like they’re friggin huge. first off, you don’t look cool, and second, they must be very uncomfortable to wear.

there’s a degree of nerdy cuteness to emo/fob chicks that wear thick rimmed glasses, but these are so friggin huge, they are the look of actual nerds from the 80s.

the bandwagon is so stupid.

seriously.

People suck, but love them anyway.

There are quite a few idiots out there that aren't at all worth a damn, but that's the thing, because I've noticed them and acknowledged them right now at this very moment in time, they are making worth of that damn.

Damn.

I was thinking of really starting the new year in love and humility for humanity and really be a shining beacon and light of the world and salt and pepper and all that jazz, but in not even a month into it, I've seen ricockulous amounts of jackassness in people that makes it extremely difficult to carry out my new years revolution. Even the little things, the really little things, like for example the other day in a parking lot just seeing someone leave her shopping cart right in the middle of a freaking parking spot instead of returning it to the shopping cart garage which was right across from her, made me want to confront her in an utmost violent way.

Sinning against others or sinning against nature is one thing, but sinning against me makes it personal and even more difficult to have to turn that other cheek. Today I was sipping my morning coffee in my car waiting for the GO bus to come. It was a cold day so the heat of the coffee steamed up my windows, but I could still see outside a little bit. Then a RAV4 pulls up beside me. It was rather dirty and old just like the woman inside. She opens her door, slamming it hard against my car. Believe me, it was pretty loud, even for a drummer like me. She ignores it and walks away. At that point I was turning my cheek, convincing myself that it was an honest mistake. Three minutes later she comes back holding a Starbucks coffee. She opens her car door, this time hitting my car with twice as much force; I would know because I'm a musician and thus can tell dynamics. I am literally gawking at her like a hawk. She doesn't even look twice to make sure anything was alright. She leaves and at that point I'm sitting there shocked at the assholery of this bitch. Of course, a more violent and satisfying scenario was running through my head.

Trying to understand what Jesus would do in those situations too is especially hard, considering how ridiculous some of these situations are. Looks like wearing love on my sleeve isn't going to happen, at least anytime soon for that matter.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

This morning (or actually, noontime..) I woke up and saw white. My blinds were open from the night before and the bright daylight with the reflections of snow shone inside. The snow was thick. I've never seen this kind of snow, at least not at the beginning of December anyways. I think we've gone without a white Christmas for three years now.

I left my house for work, attempting to drive through the heavy layer of snow on our streets. I saw a man walking his dog. That dog was one of those small dogs. It was walking on top of the snow. I was surprised it didn't sink down beneath, but it was trying pretty hard not to step wrong. I looked at astonishment at this dog's persistence, and the owner caught me, and smiled with me with a grin and greeted me. I waved back to him and continued on.

Down the street I saw two little kids finishing up a snowman, and their parents shoveling the snow while looking on with a smile. I caught their eye and I waved to them. They waved back.

This is what life is supposed to be like.